I just completed several tasks for my makeup business. I emailed a friend to see if she can do a photo-shoot of my girls (who I also emailed to gather up) wearing my makeup (eyeshadow) for my website and marketing items. I also ordered my first set of business cards and an engraved cardholder on Vista Print. Next, I will start making my Facebook page. I'm just so excited to have a website and URL! One of my friends brought up a great point this evening. She doesn't like makeup because she feels women are forced to wear it by societal standards. I totally get where she is coming from. I barely wear makeup myself! But, I would wear it more often just for me if it was the right color, the right shade. One of my visions is to make a product that promotes self-discovery, self-expression, and freedom from what everyone else wants you to look like. I want to offer makeup custom-made for the customer. For example, I love greens. I can never find the right shade. I love to pop my eyes out with shimmery sage colors. That is only for me. Yes. I get compliments, but it makes ME feel awesome!
I hope my makeup will promote self-recovery. What I mean is I want my customers to choose their makeup based on how they want to feel and look. Who cares what others think? (I guess some of use do and have to) But, when you are ready to express yourself I want my makeup to help you accomplish this goal. I am working on vision and mission statements. Haven't finished them. One thing of utmost importance to me is limited ingredients, just enough preservative/bacterial fighters (mostly natural if possible), absolutely no talc and always vegan friendly. Your makeup shouldn't give you cancer.
I plan on putting my whole experience on youtube. I'll start with my supplies arriving. After that, I will film my first experience making my eyeshadow. This is important because I plan on giving classes on how people can make their own makeup. I think this is real recovery. I also know not everyone has time to do this or the supplies. That's why I am going to offer custom eye shadows. You can even name your eyeshadow. Big bonus! Also, I want to make my business community-friendly and invest in fundraisers. I plan on focusing my attention on domestic violence and mental health agencies. Gotta get fully licensed and insured first! Working on that too.
The most important step is going to be making the same product every time. I want to keep this really hands-on. I want to whip up every batch by hand and write down my recipes. Then, I am going to make a small book to sell. After 12-24 months of independent sales, classes, parties, selling to local independent stores, and selling my little books I hope to have enough saved up to bring on a manufacturer and start distribution sales. It might take five years. I don't really know yet. I am hopeful and working hard to make this come true. Chis and I were thinking about opening up a small store front. We would sell consignments, coffee/treats, my makeup, and even have a MTG area (Magic the Gathering). Monmouth is a pretty small town and the local consignment stores aren't very popular among the college kids who surround it. We live right next to Western Oregon University and we both attend. College kids just throw their shit away: books, furniture, clothes, they don't care! That is money waiting to happen.
I am so ready!
Love you,
Jenny
Thursday, February 28, 2013
Wednesday, February 27, 2013
My First Step to Recovery and it wasn't going as I hoped...
Before I get to my first step in recovery (not drug and alcohol) but life in general, I want to talk about Harlan. The first few days back at home were awesome! Harlan was sleeping, not talking to himself, engaging in regular activities, and he even started school online. We'd met with the tutor a couple of times and scheduled a meeting for this Friday to get Harlan in track. Yesterday I got my tax returns and treated Harlan to money for his Magic the Gathering collection and took him to hang out with his buddies. Chris and I went to Walmart and bough flat screen T.V.'s for the living room and Harlan's room. When we picked up Harlan he was different. He was absent-minded and non-responsive. He started to talk to himself on the ride home and when we got home he was hyper and paranoid. He ended up not sleeping all night and we took a trip to the counselor and prescriber today. They increased his anti-psychotic meds and added a sleeping pill. He's been in his room most of the day. I'm afraid he spent the last couple of days really trying not to display signs of his psychosis. I hope it gets better and not worse. This is how he was when he first got sick. I am hopeful, but worried.
On another note...
Yesterday, I ordered my makeup kit! Today, I ordered my eyeshadow containers. In 3-5 days, everything will be delivered and I will start reading my book on how to make the makeup and combine that with all my research and start making samples. Chris is working on my logo. I have lots of marketing ideas to implement. My first strategy is to have a simple party with friends and friends of friends. I need to sell 100 eye shadows in 30 days. If I can do that, I can reinvest my money and start making blushes. I want to take my time perfecting concealer and foundation. I am determined to provide great coverage without all the chemicals and thick layers. All of my makeup is going to be talc-free and vegan friendly. I plan on selling the eye shadows for $6.00 each. Unless marketing costs skyrocket. This is why I hope to rely on friends and maybe Facebook for my first sales goals.
I found my containers on amazon. 100 containers for eye-shadow for only $36. I got my "Absolutely Everything Kit" for $155 on www.tkbtrading.com. I have a pretty simple business plan for now. I still have to add a lot to it. For now, I need to make some money, get a business license, and liability insurance. Then, I will start with independently-owned local retailers. Maybe one day have someone manufacture my products and approach a distributor for major retail. That is far away. I am thinking big though! Eventually, I will have my logo and my first samples to post for everyone.
For now, I need to focus on home and Harlan. Getting back to the basics for the next week. I do have every intention of getting my hair cut, my eyebrows waxed, and my nails done tomorrow. March 1st, I start my 30 day no sugar cleanse. No added sugar, refined sugar, and so on. Also, walking. 30 minute minimum. My days are so busy. They are filled with appointments, stress, anxiety, and hope. Hope for a better tomorrow or just the next twenty minutes.
Love,
Jenny
On another note...
Yesterday, I ordered my makeup kit! Today, I ordered my eyeshadow containers. In 3-5 days, everything will be delivered and I will start reading my book on how to make the makeup and combine that with all my research and start making samples. Chris is working on my logo. I have lots of marketing ideas to implement. My first strategy is to have a simple party with friends and friends of friends. I need to sell 100 eye shadows in 30 days. If I can do that, I can reinvest my money and start making blushes. I want to take my time perfecting concealer and foundation. I am determined to provide great coverage without all the chemicals and thick layers. All of my makeup is going to be talc-free and vegan friendly. I plan on selling the eye shadows for $6.00 each. Unless marketing costs skyrocket. This is why I hope to rely on friends and maybe Facebook for my first sales goals.
I found my containers on amazon. 100 containers for eye-shadow for only $36. I got my "Absolutely Everything Kit" for $155 on www.tkbtrading.com. I have a pretty simple business plan for now. I still have to add a lot to it. For now, I need to make some money, get a business license, and liability insurance. Then, I will start with independently-owned local retailers. Maybe one day have someone manufacture my products and approach a distributor for major retail. That is far away. I am thinking big though! Eventually, I will have my logo and my first samples to post for everyone.
For now, I need to focus on home and Harlan. Getting back to the basics for the next week. I do have every intention of getting my hair cut, my eyebrows waxed, and my nails done tomorrow. March 1st, I start my 30 day no sugar cleanse. No added sugar, refined sugar, and so on. Also, walking. 30 minute minimum. My days are so busy. They are filled with appointments, stress, anxiety, and hope. Hope for a better tomorrow or just the next twenty minutes.
Love,
Jenny
Sunday, February 24, 2013
What's the point?
I woke up feeling extremely demotivated today. I had to force myself to make breakfast, coffee, and reluctantly took a shower. Thankfully, the only true peace I found today was in the shower. I stayed in there for a while just enjoying the calming feeling of the hot water. The science behind the idea that your brain loves the hot water is spot on. That's why we get so many great ideas in the shower. I was able to get through cleaning the house. Once that was finished, I felt worthless. The icing on the cake is when the toilet overflowed after just cleaning the bathroom. I soaked it up and put the dirty towels in a bag and through in my towel. I went to bed for three hours. What else did I have to stay awake for? That was my mindset. I didn't have anything to do. At least that I wanted to do. Chris was playing games online, Harlan had just woke up from his nap, and dinner wasn't for a few hours. I was useless.
I woke up in a panic. Late for dinner. Late for picking up my friend for dinner. Finally, late for grocery shopping with my other friends. I got that all accomplished. I made my fried chicken like I wanted to and everyone enjoyed it. I took my friend home and helped Chris with his homework. I read a little bit more of my book on schizophrenia. Harlan went to bed no problems tonight. He's been really good all weekend. I anticipated a nightmare of a weekend and it's been too quiet. I have a bunch of stuff to bring to the consignment store tomorrow to sell. I am finding free stuff on Craigslist and turning around to sell it at my local consignment store. Money isn't coming in anytime soon and we are down to $10 which will probably have to go into gas and laundry.
I am 35 and I have no savings. My credit is shot. Yes. I am feeling like a bum. I have all these grand plans for making money my way. They feel a little out of reach right now. I want to start making my own makeup, I want to consult on how people can go back to college, and I want to go back to school. Right now, I want to sleep and drink coffee, smoke too many cigarettes, and complain on my blog. I need inspiration. No. Motivation. I feel like I have no individual purpose. I have plenty of purposes to fill for other people. Just now my own or they are so far out of reach I am about to give up. I am not the kind to just give up though. Tomorrow is another day. Another start to a new week. I have my to-do list. Not much is for me. If you know what I mean.
I am taking a deep breath. I am hopeful. I just feel stuck right now. I am really going to try waking up to walk in the morning. Week after next, I have every intention of going 30 days sugar-free. No added sugar or refined sugars. I want to get back in shape. I might start yoga. My flexibility is awful and pathetic. I hate the way I look and feel. Blah!
Love,
Jenny
I woke up in a panic. Late for dinner. Late for picking up my friend for dinner. Finally, late for grocery shopping with my other friends. I got that all accomplished. I made my fried chicken like I wanted to and everyone enjoyed it. I took my friend home and helped Chris with his homework. I read a little bit more of my book on schizophrenia. Harlan went to bed no problems tonight. He's been really good all weekend. I anticipated a nightmare of a weekend and it's been too quiet. I have a bunch of stuff to bring to the consignment store tomorrow to sell. I am finding free stuff on Craigslist and turning around to sell it at my local consignment store. Money isn't coming in anytime soon and we are down to $10 which will probably have to go into gas and laundry.
I am 35 and I have no savings. My credit is shot. Yes. I am feeling like a bum. I have all these grand plans for making money my way. They feel a little out of reach right now. I want to start making my own makeup, I want to consult on how people can go back to college, and I want to go back to school. Right now, I want to sleep and drink coffee, smoke too many cigarettes, and complain on my blog. I need inspiration. No. Motivation. I feel like I have no individual purpose. I have plenty of purposes to fill for other people. Just now my own or they are so far out of reach I am about to give up. I am not the kind to just give up though. Tomorrow is another day. Another start to a new week. I have my to-do list. Not much is for me. If you know what I mean.
I am taking a deep breath. I am hopeful. I just feel stuck right now. I am really going to try waking up to walk in the morning. Week after next, I have every intention of going 30 days sugar-free. No added sugar or refined sugars. I want to get back in shape. I might start yoga. My flexibility is awful and pathetic. I hate the way I look and feel. Blah!
Love,
Jenny
Saturday, February 23, 2013
Harlan is home
So...my son came home today from his two week stay in sub-acute care for treatment of his mental illness. Yesterday we received a conditional diagnosis after two days of testing. Harlan has schizophrenia as his primary illness and PTSD as his secondary illness. When we arrived home his counselor came over to talk with us and do some crisis/emergency planning. Once the visit was almost over, Harlan went to his room to lay down and the counselor shared some information with Chris and I. He said it's better not to label Harlan's mental illness as schizophrenia. It's better just to call it psychosis. He says the reason for this is timing. Harlan hasn't exhibited the signs of schizophrenia over time. He did however say that the people who did the testing for two days probably have a better conditional diagnosis. Psychosis is just the tip of the umbrella and schizophrenia is just one illness that falls under it. Bipolar disorder, autism spectrum disorder, PTSD, and depression are some other illnesses that fall under psychosis.
I took a three hour nap after that brief meeting and getting Harlan settled in with grilled-cheese and tomato soup. I was exhausted mentally and physically. Now, I am up at midnight worrying about what the days have in store. I guess Chris heard Harlan talking to himself while I was sleeping. I witnessed Harlan sort of having an internal discussion. I know the voices haven't just disappeared. I heard him rapping in his bedroom and I know that is something he does to try and get the voices to silence themselves. I gave him a movie to watch but I don't think he finished it. I am afraid to sleep. I am worried he'll wake up and go outside the door or through his window. I have this eery feeling he's faking how he's feeling. I am also worried about other things. Money, family, my issues with going back to school, homeschooling Harlan, and managing my boyfriends stress while managing Harlan's mental illness and my mental/physical needs. I pretty sure I shared that my boyfriend Chris is bipolar 1 with psychotic features. Chris takes good care of his mental illness. He takes his medication, goes to counseling, and goes to college. He helps me so much and is always supportive. It's also very important for Chris to lead a balanced and structured lifestyle. Managing this with Harlan's new psychosis isn't easy.
I have so many worries I lock up inside, avoid sharing, in order to lessen everyone's stress and worries. I communicate most of it to Chris in chunks. I haven't been reaching out to certain friends who haven't even spoken to me since Harlan started getting sick. I pretty butt hurt about a couple of them. They never seem to contact me. Busy lives, a lot going on. I usually am the one to make first contact. But, I have given up on those relationships. I need reciprocal involvement. Support. I desperately need girlfriends to hang out with. I feel so alone in that respect sometimes. My counselor called out sick today and I was so looking forward to talking to her before going to pick up Harlan. Instead, I went to Chris's counseling appointment with him. I felt bad afterwards for talking too much and taking up his appointment. Maybe even getting too involved with his discussions with his counselor. I don't think I am going to attend his appointments anymore. He needs that dedicated time as much as I do. Eventually, we will have family counseling appointments too.
I am anxiously awaiting my tax refund so I can start my makeup business. It will be slow but it will get off the ground. I am just going to have parties and sell to friends at first. I need to raise capital to have a manufacture make my makeup and package it for me. Then, I can work on distribution to retail locations. I will also sell to local, independent stores eventually. I just have to be able to afford things like sales sheets, marketing stuff, flyers, display cases, ECT. I might start with our local consignment shops. I think I could make some money at our local Saturday market too. Mainly, I want to share how to make makeup with girls and women. Mainly, safe and toxic-free makeup. Most of the makeup sold today at retail stores is full of cancerous shit.
I also made my first posting on craigslist to have a workshop to help people go back to college. I will have all sorts of helpful information about financial aid, scholarships, local services: foodstamps, TANF, unemployment, and emergency services, daycare for parents, how to pick your college, degree, classes, and how to save money on textbooks. I am only charging $130 per person for two days and that includes materials. I have to enroll at least 5 people into a workshop to start it. Through this process, I am going to write a small but helpful book on how to go back to school targeting mainly the nontraditional students. I am excited to get my ideas off the ground. This will help me with the day-to-day stuff and give me something to fulfill my personal needs.
Thank you everyone for reading my blog!
Love,
Jenny
I took a three hour nap after that brief meeting and getting Harlan settled in with grilled-cheese and tomato soup. I was exhausted mentally and physically. Now, I am up at midnight worrying about what the days have in store. I guess Chris heard Harlan talking to himself while I was sleeping. I witnessed Harlan sort of having an internal discussion. I know the voices haven't just disappeared. I heard him rapping in his bedroom and I know that is something he does to try and get the voices to silence themselves. I gave him a movie to watch but I don't think he finished it. I am afraid to sleep. I am worried he'll wake up and go outside the door or through his window. I have this eery feeling he's faking how he's feeling. I am also worried about other things. Money, family, my issues with going back to school, homeschooling Harlan, and managing my boyfriends stress while managing Harlan's mental illness and my mental/physical needs. I pretty sure I shared that my boyfriend Chris is bipolar 1 with psychotic features. Chris takes good care of his mental illness. He takes his medication, goes to counseling, and goes to college. He helps me so much and is always supportive. It's also very important for Chris to lead a balanced and structured lifestyle. Managing this with Harlan's new psychosis isn't easy.
I have so many worries I lock up inside, avoid sharing, in order to lessen everyone's stress and worries. I communicate most of it to Chris in chunks. I haven't been reaching out to certain friends who haven't even spoken to me since Harlan started getting sick. I pretty butt hurt about a couple of them. They never seem to contact me. Busy lives, a lot going on. I usually am the one to make first contact. But, I have given up on those relationships. I need reciprocal involvement. Support. I desperately need girlfriends to hang out with. I feel so alone in that respect sometimes. My counselor called out sick today and I was so looking forward to talking to her before going to pick up Harlan. Instead, I went to Chris's counseling appointment with him. I felt bad afterwards for talking too much and taking up his appointment. Maybe even getting too involved with his discussions with his counselor. I don't think I am going to attend his appointments anymore. He needs that dedicated time as much as I do. Eventually, we will have family counseling appointments too.
I am anxiously awaiting my tax refund so I can start my makeup business. It will be slow but it will get off the ground. I am just going to have parties and sell to friends at first. I need to raise capital to have a manufacture make my makeup and package it for me. Then, I can work on distribution to retail locations. I will also sell to local, independent stores eventually. I just have to be able to afford things like sales sheets, marketing stuff, flyers, display cases, ECT. I might start with our local consignment shops. I think I could make some money at our local Saturday market too. Mainly, I want to share how to make makeup with girls and women. Mainly, safe and toxic-free makeup. Most of the makeup sold today at retail stores is full of cancerous shit.
I also made my first posting on craigslist to have a workshop to help people go back to college. I will have all sorts of helpful information about financial aid, scholarships, local services: foodstamps, TANF, unemployment, and emergency services, daycare for parents, how to pick your college, degree, classes, and how to save money on textbooks. I am only charging $130 per person for two days and that includes materials. I have to enroll at least 5 people into a workshop to start it. Through this process, I am going to write a small but helpful book on how to go back to school targeting mainly the nontraditional students. I am excited to get my ideas off the ground. This will help me with the day-to-day stuff and give me something to fulfill my personal needs.
Thank you everyone for reading my blog!
Love,
Jenny
Thursday, February 21, 2013
The Vagina Monologues Made Me Laugh
Harlan comes home tomorrow from sub-acute care. He also got his official-official diagnosis today after two days of screening and testing. So far, he has schizophrenia and PTSD. The schizophrenia is primary and the PTSD is secondary. I was really hoping it was PTSD. I know that sounds wrong. I just didn't want Harlan to have schizophrenia. PTSD is bad enough. He has both. I started looking over that book I bought called Room for J. Just browsing it scared me. These parents wrote this book 10 years after their sons diagnosis. J still thinks he's God and his experiences with the divine have only got more intricate. He even got lost for 3 days and flew to NJ thinking an agent had contacted him to become a famous model. J's diary entries are very biblical and spiritual but in a scary way. Chris has offered to read the book with me. I just need to read it but I am worried about the realities it will present.
I just want to look on the bright side if only for a moment. My son is coming home. I will get to see him, hear his laugh, hug him before bedtime, make him breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Just enough his company. We have our counselor coming over tomorrow to create a crisis plan for the weekend. I have so many resources at my disposal for Harlan. I feel blessed. I got approved for TANF (temporary assistance to needy families) a.k.a. welfare. I will get a whole $432 a month to help with bills. Unemployment didn't come through because I am not available to look for work. I have to be here for Harlan.
Harlan is going to have to home school until next school year. He will see a tutor at the library everyday for one hour. I should be able to help him with a lot of his homework. I really need to get him his own computer. Having only one computer in the house with three students should be interesting. My boyfriend goes to college and I will start biology in April online. He has a laptop but it's totally destroyed. They keyboard is missing keys, the software is all outdated, it doesn't even have Microsoft programs. I also have to get him a desk for his room.
Tomorrow I have to go to my state job interview just to know if I could get the job. I just need to know that I am qualified enough to pass the exam and get hired. Even though my heart is broken over not being able to accept the job, I find peace and joy in the idea of not being tied down to a 8-5 job. I just wish my tax returns would hurry up and get here.
On a final note. The Vagina Monologues were awesome! I never read the play or seen the play before. They were truly inspiring and reminded me how I love to be involved in helping women and working with women who have suffered domestic violence. I used to be a domestic violence worker in Astoria, OR and I loved my job. I think I might try and volunteer when I have time. LOL. Whenever that might happen. The stories of those women were so real and vivid. It make me want to write a story about my vagina. Sounds crazy I know. Those who have seen the play or read it will understand where I am coming from. I needed to laugh. The play was also sad. Isn't that life.
Joy n pain.
Love,
Jenny
I just want to look on the bright side if only for a moment. My son is coming home. I will get to see him, hear his laugh, hug him before bedtime, make him breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Just enough his company. We have our counselor coming over tomorrow to create a crisis plan for the weekend. I have so many resources at my disposal for Harlan. I feel blessed. I got approved for TANF (temporary assistance to needy families) a.k.a. welfare. I will get a whole $432 a month to help with bills. Unemployment didn't come through because I am not available to look for work. I have to be here for Harlan.
Harlan is going to have to home school until next school year. He will see a tutor at the library everyday for one hour. I should be able to help him with a lot of his homework. I really need to get him his own computer. Having only one computer in the house with three students should be interesting. My boyfriend goes to college and I will start biology in April online. He has a laptop but it's totally destroyed. They keyboard is missing keys, the software is all outdated, it doesn't even have Microsoft programs. I also have to get him a desk for his room.
Tomorrow I have to go to my state job interview just to know if I could get the job. I just need to know that I am qualified enough to pass the exam and get hired. Even though my heart is broken over not being able to accept the job, I find peace and joy in the idea of not being tied down to a 8-5 job. I just wish my tax returns would hurry up and get here.
On a final note. The Vagina Monologues were awesome! I never read the play or seen the play before. They were truly inspiring and reminded me how I love to be involved in helping women and working with women who have suffered domestic violence. I used to be a domestic violence worker in Astoria, OR and I loved my job. I think I might try and volunteer when I have time. LOL. Whenever that might happen. The stories of those women were so real and vivid. It make me want to write a story about my vagina. Sounds crazy I know. Those who have seen the play or read it will understand where I am coming from. I needed to laugh. The play was also sad. Isn't that life.
Joy n pain.
Love,
Jenny
Tuesday, February 19, 2013
Today isn't a good day
I woke up at 7:30 am to go to my state job interview. My second interview. Even though I knew I couldn't accept the job, I was going away. Part of the reason was a just wanted to know if I was going to get offered the job, the other part of me wanted the job, and finally I was worried if I didn't go, I wouldn't get my unemployment. 8 am rolls around, I am still in my PJ's having coffee, and thinking about how inevitable the outcome is this opportunity is. I cannot work. Period. I have to be home for Harlan. I called and canceled round two of my interview process.
After I made the phone call, I was a mess. Thoughts began to race through my head: what am I supposed to do for money? How am I going to be able to stand being home all of the time? Did I really just spend almost five years in college to become a data entry specialist for the state? I started to get really hot and feverish. I could feel my body burning up and my face was tingling. I think I almost broke out into hives. I saw this happen to my mom before. It's awful. I tried to calm down, got into looser clothes, started cleaning, preparing dinner for tonight. My face is still a bit numb and tingly.
Harlan just called. We found out yesterday that he will probably get to come home this Friday. I am happy and terrified all at the same time. I feel so secure in his safety when he's at Albertina Kerr. He can't escape, the doctor and counselor monitor his medication, and these professionals know what they are doing. I just hope when he returns that I can keep him safe, monitor how meds are working or not working, stabilize his environment, get him back to school (even if it's just home school), and just enjoy his company. Every day he is better. I got him a new bed, Chris and I hung up some decorations on his wall, our neighbor gave up a glass side table we can put next to his bed, and when tax money comes I am going to get him a few posters, a desk, and a smaller t.v. stand. Hearing his voice helped a lot.
I think it's time to veg out on Vampire Diaries. I just subscribed to Hulu Plus and I love it! Chris and I are almost done with season 2 of The Walking Dead. I need mental distraction for awhile. I am thinking about starting to read that book I got about a boy with schizophrenia. I am interested and skeptical about how it will help or if it will just make me feel worse. I need to stay informed. Tonight I am going to my first family support group at Polk County Mental Health for families with children and loved ones who are bipolar or have schizophrenia. I am not sure if I already mentioned this, but my boyfriend is bipolar. So, these meetings with have a two-fold advantage for me. Chris is very functioning. Mental illness isn't a death sentence. It just takes a lot of dedication and persistence to live a healthy and productive life. Having a support system is one of the most vital aspects to coping with mental illness. I have my family, friends, boyfriend, counseling, and group therapy. Plus, I have this blog.
Love,
Jenny
After I made the phone call, I was a mess. Thoughts began to race through my head: what am I supposed to do for money? How am I going to be able to stand being home all of the time? Did I really just spend almost five years in college to become a data entry specialist for the state? I started to get really hot and feverish. I could feel my body burning up and my face was tingling. I think I almost broke out into hives. I saw this happen to my mom before. It's awful. I tried to calm down, got into looser clothes, started cleaning, preparing dinner for tonight. My face is still a bit numb and tingly.
Harlan just called. We found out yesterday that he will probably get to come home this Friday. I am happy and terrified all at the same time. I feel so secure in his safety when he's at Albertina Kerr. He can't escape, the doctor and counselor monitor his medication, and these professionals know what they are doing. I just hope when he returns that I can keep him safe, monitor how meds are working or not working, stabilize his environment, get him back to school (even if it's just home school), and just enjoy his company. Every day he is better. I got him a new bed, Chris and I hung up some decorations on his wall, our neighbor gave up a glass side table we can put next to his bed, and when tax money comes I am going to get him a few posters, a desk, and a smaller t.v. stand. Hearing his voice helped a lot.
I think it's time to veg out on Vampire Diaries. I just subscribed to Hulu Plus and I love it! Chris and I are almost done with season 2 of The Walking Dead. I need mental distraction for awhile. I am thinking about starting to read that book I got about a boy with schizophrenia. I am interested and skeptical about how it will help or if it will just make me feel worse. I need to stay informed. Tonight I am going to my first family support group at Polk County Mental Health for families with children and loved ones who are bipolar or have schizophrenia. I am not sure if I already mentioned this, but my boyfriend is bipolar. So, these meetings with have a two-fold advantage for me. Chris is very functioning. Mental illness isn't a death sentence. It just takes a lot of dedication and persistence to live a healthy and productive life. Having a support system is one of the most vital aspects to coping with mental illness. I have my family, friends, boyfriend, counseling, and group therapy. Plus, I have this blog.
Love,
Jenny
Monday, February 18, 2013
Are you just getting by?
One of my favorite singers/songwriters is P!nk. I was listening to her new album in the car on my way home from my job interview. One of the lyrics, "Are you just getting by?" really stuck with me today. Here I am just getting by and I'll probably get called back for this job today and I will have to turn it down. I go in for a second job interview tomorrow with the state of Oregon DMV and if they offer me the job I have to turn it down too. These jobs would secure my finances. Unfortunately, they don't make any room for my son coming home. You're probably asking why even bother going to the interviews? Well, I have to in order to receive my tiny unemployment check of $122 a week. I also run the risk of losing my unemployment for turning down a job interview. I am barely getting by and going crazy trying to find a balance to my financial worries and the absolute necessity and desire to be home when Harlan needs me most. I just feel like screaming!
The next few months are going to be tough. I should be able to start school in June and get financial aid. Until then, I have no income. Tax refunds are on hold because of educational credits, I still haven't been approved for unemployment, my son's father hasn't paid child support in 6 months and when he does, it's only $150 a month. I wish the state would collect the $10k he is past due. That son-of-a-bitch hasn't even called to see how Harlan is doing.
On a lighter note, before I go pickup my boyfriend from class, we got our new couch and Harlan's new bed today. Our living room looks so much better! We dropped some stuff off at the consignment store to sell and hung up some decorations at home. Our place is very tiny. These apartments used to be hotels. I am looking forward to cooking tonight and enjoying some Vampire Diaries and The Walking Dead. I can't wait to start making makeup and marketing my makeup. I did almost finish my business plan yesterday!
Love,
Jenny
The next few months are going to be tough. I should be able to start school in June and get financial aid. Until then, I have no income. Tax refunds are on hold because of educational credits, I still haven't been approved for unemployment, my son's father hasn't paid child support in 6 months and when he does, it's only $150 a month. I wish the state would collect the $10k he is past due. That son-of-a-bitch hasn't even called to see how Harlan is doing.
On a lighter note, before I go pickup my boyfriend from class, we got our new couch and Harlan's new bed today. Our living room looks so much better! We dropped some stuff off at the consignment store to sell and hung up some decorations at home. Our place is very tiny. These apartments used to be hotels. I am looking forward to cooking tonight and enjoying some Vampire Diaries and The Walking Dead. I can't wait to start making makeup and marketing my makeup. I did almost finish my business plan yesterday!
Love,
Jenny
Saturday, February 16, 2013
Thinking Back
I was cleaning Harlan's room today, getting ready for him to come home in 2-3 weeks, and I noticed the nails around the window. When Harlan was home and he was getting sick fast, I nailed a sheet up hoping to prevent his escape through the window. He was escaping 2-5 times a night. Chris and I were manning the door, listening for him trying to go through his window, and getting absolutely no sleep. Even with the nails and curtain Harlan got through his window. This is just one example of how defense mechanisms just don't work with coping with schizophrenia. It got to the point where we just had to wait for Harlan to be outside and then get him inside. In his mind, nothing could stop him.
He is doing a lot better. His doctor is slowly tapering him off seroquill and has started ambilify. I went to visit him yesterday and he got a three hour pass to leave the sub-acute facility. Chris and I took him to McDonald's and we wanted to take him to Wunderland. Harlan just wasn't up for it. We got 45 minutes with him and then he wanted to go back and sleep. I was sad but he was the best I'd ever seen him. We hugged and he headed back to his room. A room I've never seen. I can't even imagine what it looks like. I just want my son in his bedroom. I don't even care if I have to man the window 24/7. I miss him.
Soon, he will be home. That's all I want. I know there will be lots of doctors, counseling, and other appointments but I don't care. I will do anything and everything to help my son. I have some tough decisions to make before he gets home. I have my second job interview with the state of Oregon Tuesday, another job interview Monday for some mortgage company, and a part-time demonstration job for Safeway that looks promising. Money is going to run out soon. Should I try to work and rely on respite and day treatment facilities to watch my son? Should I invest in making makeup and try to profit quick? Can I make my tax refund last four months before I can start my MAT (Masters of Arts in Teaching)? Will I get approved for $122 a week in unemployment? Will Harlan's dad ever pay child support or even pick up the phone to see how his son is doing?
My days are hectic, my nights sleepless, and my thoughts are running ramped. Some of my friends I would hope would call me haven't. Others just treated me awful when I visited because they are so wrapped up in self-loathing. One, I am so disappointed for not calling I just don't know what to think. I just need friends. Especially girlfriends. I love Chris. He is always there for me. Today, he cleaned the house, helped me throw away a ton of shit we didn't need. We are making room for our new couch and Harlan's bed that is being delivered on Monday. I was able to get a voucher from my DHS caseworker and they didn't cost anything. Now, we just need posters and I need to hang up his decorations. I really want to get him this $30 U of O comforter before he gets home. Lastly, a game console of some-kind.
Thinking back I have fucked up a lot. I am working on forgiving myself. At the same time, I feel awful about myself and I am gaining a lot of weight, smoking too much, and not being productive. Can I stay home without losing it?
Love,
Jenny
He is doing a lot better. His doctor is slowly tapering him off seroquill and has started ambilify. I went to visit him yesterday and he got a three hour pass to leave the sub-acute facility. Chris and I took him to McDonald's and we wanted to take him to Wunderland. Harlan just wasn't up for it. We got 45 minutes with him and then he wanted to go back and sleep. I was sad but he was the best I'd ever seen him. We hugged and he headed back to his room. A room I've never seen. I can't even imagine what it looks like. I just want my son in his bedroom. I don't even care if I have to man the window 24/7. I miss him.
Soon, he will be home. That's all I want. I know there will be lots of doctors, counseling, and other appointments but I don't care. I will do anything and everything to help my son. I have some tough decisions to make before he gets home. I have my second job interview with the state of Oregon Tuesday, another job interview Monday for some mortgage company, and a part-time demonstration job for Safeway that looks promising. Money is going to run out soon. Should I try to work and rely on respite and day treatment facilities to watch my son? Should I invest in making makeup and try to profit quick? Can I make my tax refund last four months before I can start my MAT (Masters of Arts in Teaching)? Will I get approved for $122 a week in unemployment? Will Harlan's dad ever pay child support or even pick up the phone to see how his son is doing?
My days are hectic, my nights sleepless, and my thoughts are running ramped. Some of my friends I would hope would call me haven't. Others just treated me awful when I visited because they are so wrapped up in self-loathing. One, I am so disappointed for not calling I just don't know what to think. I just need friends. Especially girlfriends. I love Chris. He is always there for me. Today, he cleaned the house, helped me throw away a ton of shit we didn't need. We are making room for our new couch and Harlan's bed that is being delivered on Monday. I was able to get a voucher from my DHS caseworker and they didn't cost anything. Now, we just need posters and I need to hang up his decorations. I really want to get him this $30 U of O comforter before he gets home. Lastly, a game console of some-kind.
Thinking back I have fucked up a lot. I am working on forgiving myself. At the same time, I feel awful about myself and I am gaining a lot of weight, smoking too much, and not being productive. Can I stay home without losing it?
Love,
Jenny
Thursday, February 14, 2013
#1 Teacher
I was sitting at my computer this morning thinking about my going away party in Astoria, OR at Clatsop County Women's Resource Center in June 2009. I was leaving my job as a domestic violence case worker and moving on from community college to Western Oregon University to complete my bachelors degree in Teaching. Now, I am one class away from my BA in English/Linguistics. I am still following the education path. I will start my MA in teaching by September of this year. I have been a college student since January 2008. My #1 teacher has not been the college experience but just life in general. Don't get me wrong. I have learned a wealth of knowledge in college and developed long-term relationships. My daily struggles have brought me a wealth of knowledge, patience, and perseverance. This morning while I was thinking about my going away party, I was looking at a ceramic teachers apples that says, "#1 Teacher," that my colleges had presented me with. I am so moved by this token of their appreciation and support. I know it means more than being teacher in the academic sense.
It is time for me to learn from my lessons. I have a wealth of knowledge available at my fingertips and it's time to create an action plan for my life. I have talked a lot about making changes but I haven't made those changes. I was in my unemployment meeting today talking over my son's early psychotic break with this state worker and found myself dwelling in mystery. Even though I believe things are getting better, I am becoming needy and sorry for myself. It just isn't healthy. My boyfriend got me some books on starting my own business. I am going to take some time to look at those this weekend. I will also get my business plan going. I just have so many demands on my time I just don't know when to say, NO! I need time to figure me out.
Right now, I am happy to have time to write this blog. This morning was a successful one. I did every thing I set out to accomplish. Now, I plan on having a wonderful afternoon and evening. My mom is leaving town tomorrow and I hardly got to spend any time with her. I have counseling tomorrow. This will be my second visit. We are still working on my assessment. I just want to spill my guts out and have Martha help me pick up the pieces. I know therapy doesn't work that way though.
Love you all and talk later,
Jenny
It is time for me to learn from my lessons. I have a wealth of knowledge available at my fingertips and it's time to create an action plan for my life. I have talked a lot about making changes but I haven't made those changes. I was in my unemployment meeting today talking over my son's early psychotic break with this state worker and found myself dwelling in mystery. Even though I believe things are getting better, I am becoming needy and sorry for myself. It just isn't healthy. My boyfriend got me some books on starting my own business. I am going to take some time to look at those this weekend. I will also get my business plan going. I just have so many demands on my time I just don't know when to say, NO! I need time to figure me out.
Right now, I am happy to have time to write this blog. This morning was a successful one. I did every thing I set out to accomplish. Now, I plan on having a wonderful afternoon and evening. My mom is leaving town tomorrow and I hardly got to spend any time with her. I have counseling tomorrow. This will be my second visit. We are still working on my assessment. I just want to spill my guts out and have Martha help me pick up the pieces. I know therapy doesn't work that way though.
Love you all and talk later,
Jenny
Tuesday, February 12, 2013
Just One Phone Call
Today I woke up early to go to DHS and recertify my foodstamp and medical case with the state. Then, I proceeded to the unemployment office to register in their database to look for work. This is a condition to receive my $122 a week in unemployment benefits. By the end of those two appointments, I was feeling absolutely worthless. I came home, took off my clothes, got into pajamas and went back to bed. I have no job, no money, and I relying on the state to put food in the fridge and a little money to help pay rent. Less than two weeks ago I had a job with Wells Fargo and was one step away from my own healthcare and benefits package. I feel like my world is upside down. I am blessed and thankful for foodstamps and state medical. There is no way I could afford the treatment or care Harlan is receiving right now.
I just want to be productive. I want to bring home a paycheck and feel useful. I am accomplishing wonders for Harlan right now. I just am so tired of the phone calls, appointments, and mostly the constant repeating of Harlan's story of how he got sick, his conversations with voices, and everything else. Up until ten minutes ago I didn't even plan on getting out of my pajamas to pick up my mom from the train station. Then, I got a phone call from Harlan. It was the first time in weeks we talked and he wasn't begging to come home or calling me names. It brought me peace and hope. Today he started a new medication. Ambilify. They took him off seraquill because it wasn't working. Harlan was refusing yesterday to try the new meds but today I found out he did. I am so proud of him. His counseling, Sara, said it's still looking like 2-3 weeks before he comes home.
I hope I can find a steady income source and get Harlan's room fixed up before he returns home. I looked online today about applying for social security disability for Harlan and took one look at all the information required on the forms and said "No way! Not today." I am going to reach out for help from his counselors and doctors about doing that application.
On a lighter note...I did start my business plan last night! I also did a bunch of brainstorming on how to market my makeup line. I am excited! I am using the website enloop.com for the business plan and signed up for a free trial on Quick Books to see how that helps set my business up. Today, my goal is to get through some more of the business plan. My mom is visiting for the next couple days and needs me to drive her to see Harlan and I need to go see him too.
All in all I was illuminated today by just one phone call. Hearing my son's voice and his kind and compassionate words today healed my soul. Yesterday he told me not to visit. Today, he said he couldn't wait to see me tomorrow. I have faith and hope that my life is headed in the right direction even though things seem crazy right now. I feel a sense of accomplishment amongst all this chaos that is almost calming and terrifying all at the same time. Is that even possible?
Love,
Jenny
I just want to be productive. I want to bring home a paycheck and feel useful. I am accomplishing wonders for Harlan right now. I just am so tired of the phone calls, appointments, and mostly the constant repeating of Harlan's story of how he got sick, his conversations with voices, and everything else. Up until ten minutes ago I didn't even plan on getting out of my pajamas to pick up my mom from the train station. Then, I got a phone call from Harlan. It was the first time in weeks we talked and he wasn't begging to come home or calling me names. It brought me peace and hope. Today he started a new medication. Ambilify. They took him off seraquill because it wasn't working. Harlan was refusing yesterday to try the new meds but today I found out he did. I am so proud of him. His counseling, Sara, said it's still looking like 2-3 weeks before he comes home.
I hope I can find a steady income source and get Harlan's room fixed up before he returns home. I looked online today about applying for social security disability for Harlan and took one look at all the information required on the forms and said "No way! Not today." I am going to reach out for help from his counselors and doctors about doing that application.
On a lighter note...I did start my business plan last night! I also did a bunch of brainstorming on how to market my makeup line. I am excited! I am using the website enloop.com for the business plan and signed up for a free trial on Quick Books to see how that helps set my business up. Today, my goal is to get through some more of the business plan. My mom is visiting for the next couple days and needs me to drive her to see Harlan and I need to go see him too.
All in all I was illuminated today by just one phone call. Hearing my son's voice and his kind and compassionate words today healed my soul. Yesterday he told me not to visit. Today, he said he couldn't wait to see me tomorrow. I have faith and hope that my life is headed in the right direction even though things seem crazy right now. I feel a sense of accomplishment amongst all this chaos that is almost calming and terrifying all at the same time. Is that even possible?
Love,
Jenny
Monday, February 11, 2013
Baby Steps
Today I took some baby steps to recovery. I had a job interview with the State of Oregon DMV. I will get a call back by the end of the week if I get picked for second round. Trouble is, I don't even know if I can accept the position. Harlan is in sub-acute care currently, but in a few weeks he will be home. I have to look into respite and other care options so that I can return to work. I am still pursuing my other home-based business options and will continue to do so even if I begin work with the state.
I found out about a great book today for parents who have children who are struggling with schizophrenia. It's called Room for J. I ordered two copies on amazon because they were only $0.21 + shipping. This way I can give a copy to my mom. The book is from a couples perspective on how they adjusted their lives to be there for their college boy and their ongoing difficulties with the mental healthcare system, medication management, and accepting the fact that their 3rd child thinks he's the messiah. I hope it will provide me with insight and inspiration.
I am going to work on my business plan today. Today's goal is to find a user-friendly website to develop a business plan. The article I read yesterday about starting a business for less than $100 was helpful. I saw my friend Alison today walking by and I told my boyfriend, "I should talk to Ally about helping with makeup pigments and doing photo shoots for my makeup line." I surely cannot afford an expensive makeup artist and photographer. Alison is awesome! I am starting to think outside the box and now it's time to write down I basic plan.
I am formulating some ideas in my head for revamping my son's bedroom for his return home. It is really blah right now. I had just purchased him a new bed and when he was in the midst of his psychotic break, he jumped up and down on his mattress and totally busted it. He needs a brand new one. He also doesn't have much to keep him occupied. I need to invest in a sound system, bigger tv, books, and anything else to help keep his spirits up. Problem is I have zero funds right now so I am thinking about fundraising some money. More on that later.
I have to go pick up my boyfriend from class. I hope to share inspiring news and continue to heal through using this blog as a source of personal comfort. Thank you to all who follow!
Love,
Jenny
I found out about a great book today for parents who have children who are struggling with schizophrenia. It's called Room for J. I ordered two copies on amazon because they were only $0.21 + shipping. This way I can give a copy to my mom. The book is from a couples perspective on how they adjusted their lives to be there for their college boy and their ongoing difficulties with the mental healthcare system, medication management, and accepting the fact that their 3rd child thinks he's the messiah. I hope it will provide me with insight and inspiration.
I am going to work on my business plan today. Today's goal is to find a user-friendly website to develop a business plan. The article I read yesterday about starting a business for less than $100 was helpful. I saw my friend Alison today walking by and I told my boyfriend, "I should talk to Ally about helping with makeup pigments and doing photo shoots for my makeup line." I surely cannot afford an expensive makeup artist and photographer. Alison is awesome! I am starting to think outside the box and now it's time to write down I basic plan.
I am formulating some ideas in my head for revamping my son's bedroom for his return home. It is really blah right now. I had just purchased him a new bed and when he was in the midst of his psychotic break, he jumped up and down on his mattress and totally busted it. He needs a brand new one. He also doesn't have much to keep him occupied. I need to invest in a sound system, bigger tv, books, and anything else to help keep his spirits up. Problem is I have zero funds right now so I am thinking about fundraising some money. More on that later.
I have to go pick up my boyfriend from class. I hope to share inspiring news and continue to heal through using this blog as a source of personal comfort. Thank you to all who follow!
Love,
Jenny
Sunday, February 10, 2013
I am off to a great start! (Makeup)
I held to my goal today and made a list of supplies for my makeup line. I am starting with eyeshadow and blush. These are my favorite makeup necessities and I can never find the right colors I want. I love greens! I also found kick ass wholesale websites and this wonderful article on how to open a business for $100. I am going to read it today and start working on a business plan. Tax money will be here soon and I am ready to hit the ground running!
Here is the article:
http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/JobClub/story?id=6574472&page=1
Gotta go eat some pizza!
Love,
Jennifer
Here is the article:
http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/JobClub/story?id=6574472&page=1
Gotta go eat some pizza!
Love,
Jennifer
Weekend of Knowledge
I went to visit my son for the first time at Albertina Kerr in Portland. He is in a sub-acute facility getting help for his recent schizophrenia diagnoses. I was hoping to spend some quality time with him. Instead, he was experiencing one of many paranoid hallucinations. I had to learn to go along with it and just be supportive and listen. In the meantime, my thoughts were racing, I was scared for my son, and just wanted Harlan back. He wouldn't eat his food and kept going in and out of listening to his voices. The number of voices keeps increasing and his desire to make the voices happy are worsening. The counselor and doctor had already left for the weekend and I was asked to leave by my son because he needed the lay down before free time. I hugged him and held my tears in.
Saturday, Chris and I attended a workshop with Polk County Mental Health's EASA program (Early Assessment and Support Agency---I think that's what it stands for). We spend four hours learning about psychosis, bipolar disorder, and schizophrenia. Dr. Soto, Harlan's doctor was very informative and provided great detail about how psychosis works and how medication alone isn't the answer to responding to an early psychotic break in a teen. My life, Harlan's life, and my whole family's life will involve intense therapy seasons, family counseling, medication management, lots of patience and understanding. Right now, I am trying to stabilize myself emotionally so that I can pull everything together before Harlan gets home.
One of the uncertainties I face is when I will be able to work again. Harlan might need me home for months before I can leave the house to bring in income. We will start the process to apply for social security disability but that takes months. I got approved for a whole $122 a week in unemployment insurance. My tax refund is delayed because of education credits and the IRS isn't accepting those types of returns right now. I do have a job interview tomorrow with the State of Oregon but I don't know if I should accept the job even if I get it. I am scared about money issues.
I just want to sleep. I want to wake up and have all this change be a terrible nightmare. I know it's my reality but I am just not prepared. I like to be prepared. I want to go back to school and finish my bachelors degree but I owe my college $1,000.00. I hope I can pay that off soon and this way I will be able to start my masters by September. I can take most of my classes online and be home for Harlan. Then, I can start putting together my business ideas for educational consulting and making makeup at home. I just have no energy, no drive to start anything. I don't even want to clean my house today. Pathetic. I know.
I am going to clean today, to some research on business planning, and take a warn shower. I want this blog to be part of my recovery plan. Just writing these thoughts out helps a lot. I need one goal for today. Just something I can feel good about at the end of the day. I will find one topic to blog about. I want this topic to involve starting my makeup business. I have a checklist I wrote out a couple days ago. I will make a list of supplies today for making eyeshadow.
Talk later!
Love you all,
Jenny
Saturday, Chris and I attended a workshop with Polk County Mental Health's EASA program (Early Assessment and Support Agency---I think that's what it stands for). We spend four hours learning about psychosis, bipolar disorder, and schizophrenia. Dr. Soto, Harlan's doctor was very informative and provided great detail about how psychosis works and how medication alone isn't the answer to responding to an early psychotic break in a teen. My life, Harlan's life, and my whole family's life will involve intense therapy seasons, family counseling, medication management, lots of patience and understanding. Right now, I am trying to stabilize myself emotionally so that I can pull everything together before Harlan gets home.
One of the uncertainties I face is when I will be able to work again. Harlan might need me home for months before I can leave the house to bring in income. We will start the process to apply for social security disability but that takes months. I got approved for a whole $122 a week in unemployment insurance. My tax refund is delayed because of education credits and the IRS isn't accepting those types of returns right now. I do have a job interview tomorrow with the State of Oregon but I don't know if I should accept the job even if I get it. I am scared about money issues.
I just want to sleep. I want to wake up and have all this change be a terrible nightmare. I know it's my reality but I am just not prepared. I like to be prepared. I want to go back to school and finish my bachelors degree but I owe my college $1,000.00. I hope I can pay that off soon and this way I will be able to start my masters by September. I can take most of my classes online and be home for Harlan. Then, I can start putting together my business ideas for educational consulting and making makeup at home. I just have no energy, no drive to start anything. I don't even want to clean my house today. Pathetic. I know.
I am going to clean today, to some research on business planning, and take a warn shower. I want this blog to be part of my recovery plan. Just writing these thoughts out helps a lot. I need one goal for today. Just something I can feel good about at the end of the day. I will find one topic to blog about. I want this topic to involve starting my makeup business. I have a checklist I wrote out a couple days ago. I will make a list of supplies today for making eyeshadow.
Talk later!
Love you all,
Jenny
Thursday, February 7, 2013
Day 1
How do you go about restarting your life? Eminem called his experience a recovery. I have so much to recover from that I don't even know where to begin. I know one thing is certain. I want to take control of my life again and feel like I'm making some sort of progress towards a better ME. So much is happening right now in my life that makes me feel like I am stuck. I find myself losing my breath and my anxiety is through the roof.
Two days ago my 16 year old son Harlan was admitted into a sub-acute treatment facility for kids with mental disorders. Harlan was recently diagnosed with schizophrenia. He will probably be in this treatment facility for 2-3 weeks until the doctors figure out his medication and start intense therapy. It was a nerve-racking experience trying to get him hospitalized. There are few children's mental health programs in Oregon and what the law deems an emergency runs a very fine line.
In the past month or so I stopped going to school, got a job, and then 8 weeks later lost my job because I had to be here for my son. I only have one more biology class to go and my bachelors in linguistics is complete. Hopefully, I will be able to afford to take that class this spring and then move onto my masters in teaching. I have a scholarship that pays 80% of my masters degree. The same scholarship paid 90% of my undergrad degree. For the present, I must be available for Harlan and get ready for him to return home from sub-acute care. He isn't responding too well to medications and isn't getting much sleep.
I start counseling tomorrow for myself and I've never been so happy about seeing a shrink. I am so overwhelmed with my problems and worries that I can't really communicate them to my loved ones. Some of them are embarrassing and others too terrifying to cope with. I am starting to think up some ideas on how to make money at home instead of going back into the workforce so that I can be here for my son. I have two business ideas.
1. Open my own education consulting business. I have significant experience helping people get into college and access resources while enrolled in college. I've helped friends, strangers, and family file their FAFSA, taxes, apply for admission, access emergency funding, find classes, make a schedule, find housing, and many other resources. A lot of people struggle with the application process for applying for scholarships. I have been awarded several scholarships and one BIG one from the Ford Family Foundation located out of Eugene, OR.
2. I want to start my own makeup line. Specifically, for the fair-skinned. I started doing some research and this would be a lot of work to get off the ground. I might start small. For example make eyeshadow and sell it to friends, family, and maybe at my local consignment store. If I can earn enough, I'll go bigger and actually invent an entire product line and maybe try for a business grant. #1 is far more realistic.
I already have the experience and resources to start consulting. I just need to find out what kind of business license you have to have and if I need business insurance. I would also write a book on the how-to's and how-not's for nontraditional students to get into college. Especially, how to avoid the traps of expensive online schools and private colleges. I am excited. I just need to find the motivation and capital to get going. I have a lot of people I can consult with to help me get going.
Besides all of this, I have several health-related concerns that I am not going to address in this blog. I'm actually thinking of keeping a separate blog for my health-related goals and worries. My ultimate goal, is to put together two small books on 1) How to go to college-specifically aimed at the nontraditional students and 2) How to restart you life (after mass hysteria and lack of loving yourself). I just need to wrap my head around the details. Right now, I am mainly venting because I need to badly!
I am opening this blog up to the world and going to be writing about some pretty personal shit. I hope to have a captivating audience. One of my favorite things to do is help others. Unfortunately, this strength is also my biggest weakness. I end up forgetting about myself. I gotta stop that. I am going to open up a twitter account too for this blog. So come and join me in my journey! I hope I can post helpful, insightful information about childhood mental illness, starting your own business, and restarting your life. My journey is going to be long and have plenty of bumps because that is just how life is. I cannot be in any hurry right now because my son is my main concern.
Thank you for following my blog!
Love,
Jennifer Cerf
Two days ago my 16 year old son Harlan was admitted into a sub-acute treatment facility for kids with mental disorders. Harlan was recently diagnosed with schizophrenia. He will probably be in this treatment facility for 2-3 weeks until the doctors figure out his medication and start intense therapy. It was a nerve-racking experience trying to get him hospitalized. There are few children's mental health programs in Oregon and what the law deems an emergency runs a very fine line.
In the past month or so I stopped going to school, got a job, and then 8 weeks later lost my job because I had to be here for my son. I only have one more biology class to go and my bachelors in linguistics is complete. Hopefully, I will be able to afford to take that class this spring and then move onto my masters in teaching. I have a scholarship that pays 80% of my masters degree. The same scholarship paid 90% of my undergrad degree. For the present, I must be available for Harlan and get ready for him to return home from sub-acute care. He isn't responding too well to medications and isn't getting much sleep.
I start counseling tomorrow for myself and I've never been so happy about seeing a shrink. I am so overwhelmed with my problems and worries that I can't really communicate them to my loved ones. Some of them are embarrassing and others too terrifying to cope with. I am starting to think up some ideas on how to make money at home instead of going back into the workforce so that I can be here for my son. I have two business ideas.
1. Open my own education consulting business. I have significant experience helping people get into college and access resources while enrolled in college. I've helped friends, strangers, and family file their FAFSA, taxes, apply for admission, access emergency funding, find classes, make a schedule, find housing, and many other resources. A lot of people struggle with the application process for applying for scholarships. I have been awarded several scholarships and one BIG one from the Ford Family Foundation located out of Eugene, OR.
2. I want to start my own makeup line. Specifically, for the fair-skinned. I started doing some research and this would be a lot of work to get off the ground. I might start small. For example make eyeshadow and sell it to friends, family, and maybe at my local consignment store. If I can earn enough, I'll go bigger and actually invent an entire product line and maybe try for a business grant. #1 is far more realistic.
I already have the experience and resources to start consulting. I just need to find out what kind of business license you have to have and if I need business insurance. I would also write a book on the how-to's and how-not's for nontraditional students to get into college. Especially, how to avoid the traps of expensive online schools and private colleges. I am excited. I just need to find the motivation and capital to get going. I have a lot of people I can consult with to help me get going.
Besides all of this, I have several health-related concerns that I am not going to address in this blog. I'm actually thinking of keeping a separate blog for my health-related goals and worries. My ultimate goal, is to put together two small books on 1) How to go to college-specifically aimed at the nontraditional students and 2) How to restart you life (after mass hysteria and lack of loving yourself). I just need to wrap my head around the details. Right now, I am mainly venting because I need to badly!
I am opening this blog up to the world and going to be writing about some pretty personal shit. I hope to have a captivating audience. One of my favorite things to do is help others. Unfortunately, this strength is also my biggest weakness. I end up forgetting about myself. I gotta stop that. I am going to open up a twitter account too for this blog. So come and join me in my journey! I hope I can post helpful, insightful information about childhood mental illness, starting your own business, and restarting your life. My journey is going to be long and have plenty of bumps because that is just how life is. I cannot be in any hurry right now because my son is my main concern.
Thank you for following my blog!
Love,
Jennifer Cerf
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