Harlan comes home tomorrow from sub-acute care. He also got his official-official diagnosis today after two days of screening and testing. So far, he has schizophrenia and PTSD. The schizophrenia is primary and the PTSD is secondary. I was really hoping it was PTSD. I know that sounds wrong. I just didn't want Harlan to have schizophrenia. PTSD is bad enough. He has both. I started looking over that book I bought called Room for J. Just browsing it scared me. These parents wrote this book 10 years after their sons diagnosis. J still thinks he's God and his experiences with the divine have only got more intricate. He even got lost for 3 days and flew to NJ thinking an agent had contacted him to become a famous model. J's diary entries are very biblical and spiritual but in a scary way. Chris has offered to read the book with me. I just need to read it but I am worried about the realities it will present.
I just want to look on the bright side if only for a moment. My son is coming home. I will get to see him, hear his laugh, hug him before bedtime, make him breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Just enough his company. We have our counselor coming over tomorrow to create a crisis plan for the weekend. I have so many resources at my disposal for Harlan. I feel blessed. I got approved for TANF (temporary assistance to needy families) a.k.a. welfare. I will get a whole $432 a month to help with bills. Unemployment didn't come through because I am not available to look for work. I have to be here for Harlan.
Harlan is going to have to home school until next school year. He will see a tutor at the library everyday for one hour. I should be able to help him with a lot of his homework. I really need to get him his own computer. Having only one computer in the house with three students should be interesting. My boyfriend goes to college and I will start biology in April online. He has a laptop but it's totally destroyed. They keyboard is missing keys, the software is all outdated, it doesn't even have Microsoft programs. I also have to get him a desk for his room.
Tomorrow I have to go to my state job interview just to know if I could get the job. I just need to know that I am qualified enough to pass the exam and get hired. Even though my heart is broken over not being able to accept the job, I find peace and joy in the idea of not being tied down to a 8-5 job. I just wish my tax returns would hurry up and get here.
On a final note. The Vagina Monologues were awesome! I never read the play or seen the play before. They were truly inspiring and reminded me how I love to be involved in helping women and working with women who have suffered domestic violence. I used to be a domestic violence worker in Astoria, OR and I loved my job. I think I might try and volunteer when I have time. LOL. Whenever that might happen. The stories of those women were so real and vivid. It make me want to write a story about my vagina. Sounds crazy I know. Those who have seen the play or read it will understand where I am coming from. I needed to laugh. The play was also sad. Isn't that life.
Joy n pain.
Love,
Jenny
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