How do you go about restarting your life? Eminem called his experience a recovery. I have so much to recover from that I don't even know where to begin. I know one thing is certain. I want to take control of my life again and feel like I'm making some sort of progress towards a better ME. So much is happening right now in my life that makes me feel like I am stuck. I find myself losing my breath and my anxiety is through the roof.
Two days ago my 16 year old son Harlan was admitted into a sub-acute treatment facility for kids with mental disorders. Harlan was recently diagnosed with schizophrenia. He will probably be in this treatment facility for 2-3 weeks until the doctors figure out his medication and start intense therapy. It was a nerve-racking experience trying to get him hospitalized. There are few children's mental health programs in Oregon and what the law deems an emergency runs a very fine line.
In the past month or so I stopped going to school, got a job, and then 8 weeks later lost my job because I had to be here for my son. I only have one more biology class to go and my bachelors in linguistics is complete. Hopefully, I will be able to afford to take that class this spring and then move onto my masters in teaching. I have a scholarship that pays 80% of my masters degree. The same scholarship paid 90% of my undergrad degree. For the present, I must be available for Harlan and get ready for him to return home from sub-acute care. He isn't responding too well to medications and isn't getting much sleep.
I start counseling tomorrow for myself and I've never been so happy about seeing a shrink. I am so overwhelmed with my problems and worries that I can't really communicate them to my loved ones. Some of them are embarrassing and others too terrifying to cope with. I am starting to think up some ideas on how to make money at home instead of going back into the workforce so that I can be here for my son. I have two business ideas.
1. Open my own education consulting business. I have significant experience helping people get into college and access resources while enrolled in college. I've helped friends, strangers, and family file their FAFSA, taxes, apply for admission, access emergency funding, find classes, make a schedule, find housing, and many other resources. A lot of people struggle with the application process for applying for scholarships. I have been awarded several scholarships and one BIG one from the Ford Family Foundation located out of Eugene, OR.
2. I want to start my own makeup line. Specifically, for the fair-skinned. I started doing some research and this would be a lot of work to get off the ground. I might start small. For example make eyeshadow and sell it to friends, family, and maybe at my local consignment store. If I can earn enough, I'll go bigger and actually invent an entire product line and maybe try for a business grant. #1 is far more realistic.
I already have the experience and resources to start consulting. I just need to find out what kind of business license you have to have and if I need business insurance. I would also write a book on the how-to's and how-not's for nontraditional students to get into college. Especially, how to avoid the traps of expensive online schools and private colleges. I am excited. I just need to find the motivation and capital to get going. I have a lot of people I can consult with to help me get going.
Besides all of this, I have several health-related concerns that I am not going to address in this blog. I'm actually thinking of keeping a separate blog for my health-related goals and worries. My ultimate goal, is to put together two small books on 1) How to go to college-specifically aimed at the nontraditional students and 2) How to restart you life (after mass hysteria and lack of loving yourself). I just need to wrap my head around the details. Right now, I am mainly venting because I need to badly!
I am opening this blog up to the world and going to be writing about some pretty personal shit. I hope to have a captivating audience. One of my favorite things to do is help others. Unfortunately, this strength is also my biggest weakness. I end up forgetting about myself. I gotta stop that. I am going to open up a twitter account too for this blog. So come and join me in my journey! I hope I can post helpful, insightful information about childhood mental illness, starting your own business, and restarting your life. My journey is going to be long and have plenty of bumps because that is just how life is. I cannot be in any hurry right now because my son is my main concern.
Thank you for following my blog!
Love,
Jennifer Cerf
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